3 April 2015

Pain and Prejudice?

So I realised I haven't written a blog post since the beginning of March! Blogging at its finest!

It seems that every time I find motivation to write about something incredible - I struggle to find the words. So today instead of writing about a product or something else solely beauty related I decided I would write what's on my mind.

Lately I have been really enjoying working on getting a bunch of videos filmed, edited and uploaded - an amazing product of which has been a steady increase in my subscriber base (which is an amazing feeling). The harder I work on my channel and social pages, the more I find myself admiring Youtuber's and bloggers - because this is hard! It's hard to try and commit yourself to regular uploads, it's hard to try and come up with content to keep your subscribers interested, it's hard to sit and edit tirelessly and watch your view ticker slowly rise. All of this has me thinking about the direction I want my channel to take.

I don't want my channel to be just another beauty page - I want to share more of ME with you guys - what inspires me and what keeps me ticking. My husband and I started our vlog channel ShAmyVlogs in January and I love being able to upload and look back at little snippets of our daily lives - but that is only the beginning for what I have planned. As many of you would already know - I also love drawing, painting, crafting, movies and so much more! As well as focusing on beauty videos I want to share some of my other projects with you guys too!

As with all things in the social community my biggest fear however is prejudice. While I am trying to adjust my lifestyle to accommodate a regular upload pattern - I am terrified that I won't be able to stick to it! Take this week for example, this week I had four amazing videos planned which I was very excited to work on. Currently - I am lying on my couch nursing a very swollen foot. Exhausted from a combination of a high dosage of pain medication combined with stressing over whether or not my surgery date will arrive soon. It is so disheartening to have so many plans and not be able to put on a brave face for the camera, but I am working hard in managing my pain better and generally trying to be more organised.

Fifteen months ago I sustained an injury to my right foot which lead to the diagnosis of an underlying rare joint disease. As a result I have spent the past fifteen months in agony unable to walk without a walking cast and a crutch. I have been in and out of hospitals, seen consultants, doctors, physiotherapists, been poked prodded, had the most excruciating pain management procedure done (which ended up not working) and now I'm living dependant on rest and medication while I wait to receive a date for surgery.

On the outside it's very easy for me to come across as put together, I need to for my own sanity! I have my wonderful husband to thank for keeping me together, without him I would be truly lost! On the inside however, I am physically and mentally exhausted and since I have fought so hard to make sure that this doesn't affect my relationships with family and friends, it kills me to think that it would have a negative affect on my channel.

I don't want anyone to think I am complaining or making excuses, I really am so humbled and overwhelmed by the support and love that has been shown to me over the past year. I have gained friends and sadly lost some of what I thought were really good friends along the way. While I have a long way to go before I can say I am happily on the road to recovery, I am incredibly grateful for everything that has happened this past year. I am a strong believer in fate. I believe everything happens for a reason and hopefully once this is all over this just means on to bigger and better things.

So I guess the point of this post is a thank you in a way. Thank you to every single one of you who has stuck by me even though I have struggled to get videos uploaded and who have understood when I have had to postpone videos or looks due to exhaustion. You guys have kept me going and you guys inspire me with every like, every comment and every time you click that subscribe button!

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